Saturday, October 20, 2012

Oh Airlines, How I Loathe Thee

If you are going to be traveling any decent distance, you are likely to be flying. If you are, I feel sorry for you.  I've realized that basic customer service expectations are too high. Specifically:

-Your flight will leave on time
-Your flight will arrive on time
-Your bag will arrive with you
-Your bag will arrive in the condition in which you checked it.

This just isn't true anymore. To be safe, I now assume my bag will be lost or severely damaged on every flight. This is a good assumption because then you can pack to make sure you don't end up like Quinton in Quinton's Foremost Blunders Episode 1. Hopefully you at least have some clothes. I know Europeans are more comfortable with nudity than Americans, but I still think you'll have some issues if you try and prance about town in your birthday suit.

When I flew to Berlin, my bag was left in Miami. It didn't get to me for three days. And, I think I've figured out the culprit. Each of the last three times my bag was lost it was randomly searched. I guess my bag looks incredibly suspicious. Not sure why. It's just a red roll-ey bag. Maybe it works like a traffic light. Red means STOP!!!! and search? It seems so.

Unless you are incredibly lucky, your bag will be lost at some point. So, let's act like Boy and Girl Scouts, or characters of The Lion King, and Be Prepared!


Sorry, I got distracted with day dreams of being in The Lion King. Let's see what can happen if you don't pack anything useful in your carry-on. Here's Selma.

Ew, that doesn't look pretty. Let's analyze it so as to not make these same mistakes.

First, we see a grungy, grody skirt because she's been wearing the same clothes for four days. Next, we notice a swollen eyelid. Maybe she should of brought some contact solution, or at least her glasses. Pain or blindness can be a toss-up.

Look, there's a noticeable rash forming because she forgot her daily medications. Lastly, we notice the dirty hair and stink lines. You don't want to maintain your personal bubble with an odor. Maybe some toiletries would be a good choice.

Make sure you can comfortably live out of your carry-on for at least two days. It'll make you a lot more chipper if the airline fulfills their expectations and tries to ruin your vacation.

Until next time, God bless America.


  1. Poor Selma! She looks like she could use a drink ... and a bath ... and an optometrist.

    1. So true. A drink should be easy enough at least.

  2. What you need is a big sign to put on your luggage: "CONTAINS NOTHING DANGEROUS." That reassurance should put them off from searching it!

    1. That may work, but I could see it just giving them more cause to search it. I'm always amazed at how many people shrink-wrap or duct tape their bags. They are just going to cut them open thinking you're trying to hide something...

  3. I never checked bags until I had my daughter. Then, left with no choice, I embraced bag checking. It's kinda hard to carry on a pack n play, diapers, sound machine, lovey friends, toys, and of course clothes for both of us.

    1. That does seem difficult. I only started checking bags after the crazy rules about liquids. It's now impossible to pack for any decent amount of time in a carry-on.