Thursday, August 30, 2012

White Tennis Shoes are Super Sexy

First off, while you may think you have worldly charm, you look like a tourist. Americans have a knack for sticking out, it's part of what makes us so enrapturing. In particular, we have a penchant for tall, white stocks sticking out of our bright, white tennis shoes. This doesn't go over so well in other place so while traveling, please wear low socks. I know you may think the high ones emphasize the tone of your calves or hide the fact that you haven't shaven since reaching this continent (see the below image for an example, that's hot). And, a sweet tan line is inevitable.

I know they may be incredibly attractive, but we seem to be the only country which appreciates white tennis shoes' beauty. In case math makes more sense to you, the engineer in me has provided an equation to better explain this phenomenon.

I happen to think it's good to try and fit in with the country you're visiting. You are less likely to get stalked by vendors wishing to sell you crappy, plastic thingamabobs or asked to take a city tour in a golf cart for only sixty dollars. So, if you happen to have them, I suggest something more like these. I know you can feel the European charm seeping into your cells already.

Until next time, God bless America.

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