Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Would You Like a City Tour?

No, I would not like a city tour thank you very much. This is the most commonly asked question to any American tourist. As previously mentioned in "White Tennis Shoes are Super Sexy", Americans have a tendency to stick out. Therefore, panderers stalk us like predators. You can see their eyes light up with, "Look, Americans, they have money, mwahahahahahaha". If you're lucky, you may be harassed by someone who doesn't use a demonic laugh.

I'm sure you won't be lucky enough to avoid them all so we need to prepare you for when they bother you. This is what it started to sound like as I walked down the street.

Would you like a city tour?
No thank you.
City tour?
Take a city tour?
Sure you wouldn't like a city tour?
Leave me the hell alone!
City tour?
Don't make me mace you.

Hopefully your patience is greater than mine. I've been told the best thing to do is ignore them but it's a little hard to do when you're hot and your feet are killing you. Some panderers are going to just have to deal with a little frustration.

I found the best way to make it past the obnoxious city tour aficionados is to blend in. You walk around by yourself dressed as much like the native population as possible. Obviously, this doesn't work when in large groups of if you simply don't look at all like the native population. We know Quinton would have problems with that. So, I think it's time we invent a new approach to avoid them. Watch me and follow along.

Ha, I bet you can't see me. And then, neither can the panderers. Maybe you should pick up on my camouflage techniques so you can avoid them too, and save yourselves $100 or some jail time.

Until next time, God bless America.


  1. I find the easiest way to avoid talking to people I don't want to is to have my ipod ear buds in. "Sorry, can't hear you, I'm listening to something that may or may not be very loud music".

    1. That works too, especially if your posture says, "I'm incredibly angsty so don't interrupt my brooding or I may need to punch you with this spiky bracelet I'm wearing".